A walk through Millesgarden

This Saturday we are planning a bike trip to the Island Lidingö to visit the sculpture garden of Carl Milles, a very famous Swedish sculptor.
The garden is beautiful with loads of amazing sculptures in all sizes, many fountains and a great view over the water.
The weather is really nice with clear blue sky and we are incredibly in love with each other that day :-)
We stroll through this amazing park, enjoy being together and of course we have a nice fika in the sun...... just a perfect day!

Difficult decisions

The second week I ease up a bit. Richard goes back to work on Monday and being on my own during the day is doing me quite good. I now have lots of time to rethink my study plans. I talk to several of my friends to hear some different opinions. I am so unsure what to do and I feel like I could never make up my mind about whether I should cancel it or not.
But I realise more and more that I don’t want to go to Maastricht, that I am concerned that this project is just too much.

But how for god’s sake am I supposed to cancel this? This cunning plan!
The more I think about it the more I realise that this cunning plan is not fitting me anymore. Now as I’ve moved here, now that I am living here I get more and more the feeling that the most important thing should be to actually BE here and to concentrate on getting used to here.
One of the points that attracted me most in the beginning was that my move here would be a bit more a step-by-step thing. I would not have to cope with everything at the same time. Well, but things change and being here doesn’t scare me so much anymore. More scary seems to be going away again soon having to cope with even more changes. And what outweighs even more is he fact that my integration here will be delayed for at least half a year.

Apparently a clear decision, isn’t it? But strange resistances are keeping me very hesistant. It somehow really hard to accept that I might have resolved too much. And even harder, to actually allow myself to take my time to settle down here.
To convince myself that I won’t be lazy sitting around and neglecting my professional advancement I sign in for a psychodrama course in Köln. That’s a good plan, I am really interested in psychodrama and I get the chance to be in Köln regularly.

Unfortunately the course is cancelled two weeks later... I’m very disappointed but at the same time I think maybe it’s not the right time to do something somewhere else than here...

Survival of the first week

The first week I feel completely upside down. Not one day goes by without me crying for at least once.
On Tuesday we try hard to sort out the kitchen, to have at least one room reasonably tidy before we leave for a short trip to Malmö on the next day. It’s not easy, of course all the cupboards I open are full with stuff. So a big sorting out is necessary and we have to decide about nearly everything whether we want to keep it (if it’s double, mine or his) and where it should be. In the flat, in the attic, in the bin or in some boxes for whatever.
On most things we agree quite easily but nevertheless the whole process quite puts me under pressure. My need to unpack boxes as quickly as possible (as I always did when moving, probably having my things around knowing where everything is gives me back some security) can’t be met as I need Richard’s help in every corner, apart from my wardrobe we bought a couple of weeks ago – it’s wonderfully empty :-)
So I get quite impatient from time to time, even though I know that he can’t sort out in three places at the same time. I’m sorry for being quite tense and stressed in these days even though he is doing such a good job trying to make space for my stuff everywhere. But it’s not easy to move from a flat of my own into a already inhabited flat and I realise that this is really a challenge, especially not even having a room for myself.

In between the whole unpacking procedure we spend two days in Malmö as Richard needs to be there. The first day it’s nice weather and we rent some hotel bikes to explore Malmö for a while.

It's a cosy town with a friendly and lively atmosphere and a very pretty centre with loads of restaurants and cafés.
In the evening we go out for dinner and while talking about our plans again my doubts concerning my Maastricht plans pop up. This time quite insistently. I slowly get the feeling that I maybe shouldn’t expose myself to another big change in such a short period of time. Another foreign country, another living situation, more new people...
The next day we try to explore Lund as we don’t fly back until the evening. It’s pouring with rain all day so that we are not keen on walking around very much. But it seems to be a nice little town.

The rest of the week we are busy with diminishing the amount of boxes in the flat. And we are doing quite well! For a change and to see something else we go to a barbeque at Aaron’s on Saturday. I feel strange and a bit alien, even though it’s a nice gathering.

It's been a tough week - but I survived it.

Last leg of our trip

The drive to Sweden was easy, driving through Denmark and then taking the long bridge which joins Denmark with Sweden. Passing into Sweden, an emotional moment for Caro, as we cross the bridge, and she entered Sweden for the first time… with the intention of staying in Sweden. There was a policeman just after the road toll station and he waved us down to talk to us. We wondered if he would want to look in the van… hoped not, as it was so full that things would fall out if we opened the doors. He asked if we had been shopping in Denmark. No I said, were moving my girlfriends things from Germany to Sweden. He looked at Caro and said “Welcome to Sweden”. That was nice… we drove off feeling personally welcomed in to Sweden. We drove to Karlskrona, one of the towns on the south east coast of Sweden and check into a hotel for the night. We celebrated my birthday with a meal and a lovely night together in our cosy big hotel bed. The next day we drove the last 500 km to Stockholm and arrived at the flat in the afternoon. We had some help to unpack the van from Josip and Martin, and this went very quickly. Soon we had a flat full of boxes, but we were home, and together. Caroline was very emotional and in the end it was all too much, she broke down and cried in my arms. She was tired and confused, but she had me and I was there to hold her and listen and love her for being here. The next day we began the job of unpacking.

A trip to Sweden

After handing over my flat and a last ride to the dump site we eventually leave Köln with the van on Saturday morning. Our destination is Kiel where we spend the night at my friend Anika’s house. I feel quite good and not as confused as I expected.
As usual the A1 up north is quite busy and just before Hamburg we manage to miss the turn to the Elbtunnel and end up driving all the way through Hamburg city.

But eventually we arrive in Kiel and spend a relaxed evening with Anika and Daniel.
Both Richard and I are very tired but it’s his birthday at midnight and I really want us to stay awake somehow. Can't wait to give him my present... ;-)

The next day we continue our trip. We arrive in Puttgarden in good time to catch a ferry to Denmark.
The actual leave from Germany by ferry I experience in the toilet... but anyway I could feel it that now, I am leaving my country.

After leaving the ferry we drive through Denmark until we reach the Oresundbridge.... the link to Sweden. But where were all the happy feelings as we eventually cross the bridge and enter Sweden??
I more feel confused and melancholy than enthusiastic.


We make it until Karlskrona after another 500km. We find a nice hotel and later on we go out for a birthday dinner at a restaurant in town and Richard finally gets his birthday card. It’s the first and a very special birthday as we are on a very special trip together.

The next morning we manage to hit the road pretty early. The last 500kms and I am even more contemplative at that day. The nearer we get to Stockholm the more confused I feel. How can I already miss my friends and my life in Köln? Shouldn't I be happy?

We arrive in the afternoon and Hannah welcomes us. It’s really nice and warm, perfect welcome weather! But nothing helps and finally I burst into tears. I hardly can keep me from telling Richard that he has to take me back again....
Of course I stay and we unpack the van and I finally feel slightly better when I view
my beloved kitchen cupboard in the kitchen and how wonderfully it matches with the wall colour.

Now I am here. With much more different feelings than expected - but I am here.

Thanks that we arrived safely.