Difficult decisions

The second week I ease up a bit. Richard goes back to work on Monday and being on my own during the day is doing me quite good. I now have lots of time to rethink my study plans. I talk to several of my friends to hear some different opinions. I am so unsure what to do and I feel like I could never make up my mind about whether I should cancel it or not.
But I realise more and more that I don’t want to go to Maastricht, that I am concerned that this project is just too much.

But how for god’s sake am I supposed to cancel this? This cunning plan!
The more I think about it the more I realise that this cunning plan is not fitting me anymore. Now as I’ve moved here, now that I am living here I get more and more the feeling that the most important thing should be to actually BE here and to concentrate on getting used to here.
One of the points that attracted me most in the beginning was that my move here would be a bit more a step-by-step thing. I would not have to cope with everything at the same time. Well, but things change and being here doesn’t scare me so much anymore. More scary seems to be going away again soon having to cope with even more changes. And what outweighs even more is he fact that my integration here will be delayed for at least half a year.

Apparently a clear decision, isn’t it? But strange resistances are keeping me very hesistant. It somehow really hard to accept that I might have resolved too much. And even harder, to actually allow myself to take my time to settle down here.
To convince myself that I won’t be lazy sitting around and neglecting my professional advancement I sign in for a psychodrama course in Köln. That’s a good plan, I am really interested in psychodrama and I get the chance to be in Köln regularly.

Unfortunately the course is cancelled two weeks later... I’m very disappointed but at the same time I think maybe it’s not the right time to do something somewhere else than here...